Tell Me Something So Beautiful

Thursday, July 05, 2007

9:14 PM

I've moved on to "here"

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

11:22 PM

Dear Dear Diary. Haha. Hmm, God. I miss my friends lah sia! Hee. Anyway... I haven't update you yet about Ian's latest achievement. Heehee. Yea! He's Airborne camp is over. He managed to complete it successfully. Without any obstructions. That's Good. Bagooos.

Silver Wings.

Relax.
Take it Eeeeeezay!

Well. Oh. Well. I manage to make nice sushi-s today. CoolNess. I'm an expert. Heehee. *Syiok-ing myself lah* Woohoo. I hope my group will manage to do well for the international buffet project. I hope the teachers will like our dishes served. Phew!

Hmms, I've nothing to talk about. But....

Sunday, July 01, 2007

9:49 AM

Is it Youth Day?
Well. HAppy Youth Day everyone. If it is.
I've got Manydy Moore's new song. Haha. I know some people may think I'm lame, Yes, I listen to Mandy Moore. Hey, it gives me a little optimistic way of life.

MANDY MOORE

Extraordinary

I was a bay tree

Quiet and unseen

I lived in stories but inside

I kept a mystery

I was a starling

Nobody's darling

Flying in perfect circles

Just for company

[Chorus]

And now I'm ready

to beExtraordinary

A midnight airplane

A window blowing

I know I am another sparkle in the sky

I shine on copper

Still undiscovered

But you must see me in the corner of your eye

[Chorus]

And now I'm ready

And now I'm ready to be

Extraordinary

Waking up to wake up some day

I am my own prey

Stopping off at a sidewalk cafe

The wind is playing in the trees

Kicking up confetti leaves

Sings as if it's all to say

[Chorus]

And now I'm ready

And now I'm ready to be

(Extraordinary+)

And now I'm ready

And now I'm ready to be

Extraordinary

1:13 AM

Changes. Well, some changes are great. Some just aren't suppose to happen. For me, I hate changes. I absolutely dislike the very fact that a situation seems different.

I also hate knowing when people are watching you, judging you, comparing you. That's why, I get afraid of those situations. Change. To be in a different situation, around people I don't know well, doing what I really have no idea how to do, or basically, doing something I suck at, knowing that others at least are better than you. I get that insecurity, up till, I won't be able to think, to move, seems like I've lost my pride. My dignity. Is that ego? I have no idea.

I wouldn't mind if its just two people, me and somebody, either, somebody I know I won't see again, or somebody I'm well comfortable with.

Am I a cowardly fool? Am I? I think I am.

With this attitude, I pull people away. From fun, enjoyment. From friends and loved ones. From everyone else. I have the people to myself. Just for me, just so, I'm comfortable, just so, I live life normally, just so no change happens, just so I feel good.

Am I selfish? I think I am.

As I think of my greed to have all for myself. I can't help myself to come to a point where I have let down the people. Let down myself to turn to new experiences. To live life in the comfort zone and never challenge myself. I let my own dream go away. Just so I could live life nicely. I tried doing something different, away from my passion. But I couldn't adjust to love it just as much as I used to love my old passion. Ever since then, I thought, changes are never good for me.So, I start to miss it, I start to regret and think how much fun I used to have living with it no matter what, i was arrogant. I missed the best chance. I missed it. When that fact was well absorbed, I knew I can't turn back time. I lost my way.

Was I stupid in a way? I think I am.

For the love one then, nobody knows. I worry every second to try to fit in. To forget the differences. To regard the Gap as nothing. To understand the other. To make the other live blissfully in love with me. To be the best. To be good enough. To be the One. To be everything. I try to be perfect as can be, that I cry, I cry when I know I've let down. I cry when I know I'm disappointing. I cry when I was seen as a flaw. I cry when I realise I haven't been good enough. I cry when I see a better match. I cry when I know I'm the worse one. I cry.. I cry.. and I cry.

Am I so pathetic? I think I am.

When I think of pathetic. I think of my friends. Where am I standing in their lives now? Where do I stand?Was it me that abandoned you? Am I no longer on your so called featured list. Was it my fault? I can't help but to worry how much I've left them down. I can't help but think of how much I made them change. Made them get use to me no longer being around them. Even though, I miss them so much. I know I haven't been paying much attention to one of you especially. I've let you slip. But don't treat me like a tee shirt. It hurts me that you do.

I feel so much better after this.

Monday, June 25, 2007

10:34 AM

Hello.

So, school is in! Haha, But today is a total bore. Hmm, I'm in the school's library now. Blogging. Yeah, that's how boring school is today. Until I have the time to BLOG! Yea, last week, without school, I was way busier.

Well, I'm suppose to have a lecture at 10. But I blew it. I came to school late. The lecture was for an hour, moreover, Kc and G didn't go. Soo, Wth. I came straight to the library. Anyway, next class is at 3. yea.. Its 10.46 now. Next lesson is at 1500 hours. Well, looks like I've got a looooot of time. A whole lot of time. Heesh.

My parent's went off to Bali yesterday together with Delphina. If only I had no school, I'd be with them by the Bali Beach. In that 5 star hotel they booked, that had a resort. Oh my God. I feel totally bumped up knowing that fact. Worse is, Ian is also out. To camp. Yea, Airborne Camp. Heh. Sooo, could this week get any worse. I get to see my parents on Wednesday though! But they're like going off to KL the next day. My parents will definitely be enjoying themselves for this week. Well, its credits to them, they've been through so much in life. I guess my dad thought it through well with what he wanted to do with his CPF savings. I am so proud of him. See how much he loves my mom. Heh. I've seen him gone through so much difficulties in the past, and my mom alway clinging on to what we have. Clinging on to my dad no matter what. It's really sweet. Aww. I'd love to have a great life like that, I'd love to have that kind of marriage life. Sweet.

Grr.. There's this girl standing so close to me as I blog this. Totally invading my territory. Okay. I hope she's reading this. Haha.

Anyway... Ian got me the Airborne pendant, and keeps telling me to wear it. Well, I'm wearing it now. But my necklace is kind of short. Hmm, I want to buy a longer one. Hmm, Well, come to think of it, I've got break now. Maybe, JUST maybe, I might go browse around TM. Hee.

Well... That's it.

http://projects.csail.mit.edu/olympics/2006/events/paratrooper.jpg

Monday, June 18, 2007

9:19 PM

Gawd. I think I felt my butt grew bigger. I sat in front of the computer the whole day completing projects. Hmmmz. Gawd!

I was like planning an eight-day menu. It's so frustrating to find all the different dishes and make sure the dishes don't clash with the breakfast dish or the whatever dish. okok....

So, I miss Ian so much already. I just met him yesterday though. For a little while. Heh. Woo, A week more till he books out. A day down, and I'm a day nearer to our next meet. That's like about 3 or 4 days to wait. heh. Ok, ok.. Pretty good. Later, NS how right.... So better not over do it. Oh! It will be his first live decent the next day, everyone, Wave if you see any parachutes way up in the sky, cos, it might be him. Heee.

Imagine, he'd be flying lah. Or so he says, he will be falling with style. Free falling, birds' eye view. So Cool....! I'll be like dramatic lah, see any parachutes, assume the paratrooper is him, and wave... eyes turn shiny, and a tear drops. It's the sweetest memory. Lovely. Then, the song, Born Free pops up in my mind. Heehee. Ok, hindustan movie starting, I know, I can be a very good hindustan movie director right? Hee. Woots.

Look up for success, and never look back. HEE

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

9:46 PM

Well, so... Haji Lane pretty much sucks. You have to be filthy rich to buy ANYTHING from there. I'd rather go to my favourite shops like Forever 21 and MNG then go shop there. It's way too expensive. Heh. Oh well.. Much to our dissapointment, (our meaning Me and Nani O. ) Haha. well... we headed for the famous Fish Soup stall... Our favourite place, the coffeeshop behind Bugis junction. Oh, We bought this cute BEST FRIENDS necklace. Totally Boria la, but... Whatever, its cute! Something crazy for us. Oh, did I mention, both of us went really vintage today. We wore 70s-like dresses. Haha. It was fun. Kind of reminds me of those secondary days, when every Saturday, We'd be dressing weird (Voguelah) to town, just for the fun of it. Haha. I miss Nani O. hee. Wootss. Hee. yeargh!

So, I'm home now. Grrrr...I'm supposed to have an online group meeting, but one of my groupmates isn't home yet. I've yet to bathe. And have my beauty sleep. Hmmmz. Well... something to cheer you all up today. Hafiz sent me this earlier today. He said it was just a way to brighten your day. Yea... He does that a lot. Oh, he's my schoolmate from TP and YTSS. So. Yea.... Hee. Enjoy....

Monday, June 11, 2007

11:42 PM

Hello. Well, It's the Eleventh of the MONTH!! Yay! Happy 7 months Darling. It has been 7 months, Wow-Wee. Yippie. Darling isn't here though. But I feel ya! I feel ya! Eheehee.

Woots. I can't wait to go out with Nani. We're going to find our way to Haji Lane. Hahaha. Vintage Goods. Yeah Baby! So, we're going to snap snap pictures too. This will be so cool. Yea!